All Things Andrea

All Things Andrea

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


On the other side of the cancer journey
(a really fearful thing to say, 'cause what if I'm still on this side of it but don't know that yet, or what if I'll be back on the crappy side again somewhere down the road, or what if....??!),
I keep complaining to and asking the LORD,
"What was that crapp of ride all about?"
"Why in the world did I have to go through such a gut wrenchingly bewildering experience?"
"I feel like You chewed me up, then spit me out on dry land!"
"If there's no purpose on the other side of that canyon, then why am I still alive?" 
"WHAT IS MY PURPOSE???", especially with limited energy, a body that feels pummeled on every turn, and way less brain cells.

Write.  WRITE.  WRITE!!

Over and over again, I hear the same answer.


About what?  When??  How??  Are You talking just about journaling?  Blogging?  Writing therapy?  Handwritten notes in an era where no one even has stamps in their desk drawer anymore?  Why write in a day and age when there are already too many words floating around out there?  Just what are You referring to??  Is it simply writing regardless of whether anyone reads it? 
And, just how in the world am I to "WRITE"  when there's no time left in the day when my brain is sitll functioning, especially after a full day at work pouring energy into meeting other people's demands?

I don't know what I'm to write, but I'm trying to make it a priority.  TRYING.  Trying to write out of inspiration, not my own limited, failing abilities.  I have tons of posts floating in my head.  Notes scrawled on scratch paper floating all over the house.  Pictures I've snapped.  It's such a dilemma to get it out, get it written, get it posted or sent or penned.  I've been doing a lot of "retroactive" posts, kind of like a scrapbooker who's way behind in her scrapbooking.  But, I don't want to lose these slices of memories, archives of my life, glimpses of beauty I've seen.  I'm trying to send those notes, even if they are months late.  I'm trying to take that extra minute to snap a picture so that the moment isn't lost forever.

I'm trying.  Trying to weed out the tons of good stuff in my life that ends up being not the best stuff because it squeezes out what I know I'm to be doing.  Trusting that the writing is part of the healing process, part of the journey to where and who I'm to be.

Surely I'm not the only one on this kind of a crazy path....

So tell me, what are you sensing you're to be doing that you're not?? 

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